I look back on this past semester and all I have to say is, “Wow. I didn’t see that coming.” When I left home in August to go back to school, I had this whole outlook on how things were going to go and made all these plans for it. Within a matter of weeks my entire world was rocked and all those plans were thrown out the window.
During the summer I noticed that me and my boyfriend had grown a little distant from each other. We even forgot our seventh month anniversary, but I just shook it off as “well we’re both busy doing our own things.” We were in different parts of the state. So one thing I made a note of doing with the new semester was reconnect and grow. The progression our relationship was already slower than molasses so I figured, why not speed things up a bit. My friends also started mentioning to me the five love languages. So I decided to have a talk with him about being more affectionate with me and I had a way of approaching the subject. First I would start off by asking him two questions. A) Do you care about me? B) Do you care about this relationship? Then just go from there.
On the day I asked him to talk with me, I never made it past the second question. He answered “yes” to the first question, but when it came time for the second he goes, “Well that’s when things get tricky…” Wait what?! I’m sitting there listening to everything he has to say and the last thing I hear is “I’m not the guy who can give that to you.” Wait, did I just get dumped? I did not expect him to want to end the relationship, especially at that point. We never once argued. We never had a fight. Most people would want their relationship to be like that for as long as it was for us. So what the hell did I do wrong?
I was a complete mess that entire weekend. Didn’t help that I had two tests the next Monday. I didn’t want the relationship to end and there were still a lot of things I couldn’t understand about his reason to want to end it. Seriously, what was it that I did? It was around this time that I grew to hate the phrase “God told me you weren’t the one.” That’s what he said to me and it’s the same excuse another friend said about breaking up with his girlfriend. There has to be more to it than just that.
It was a painful process but I had to go through it. There was no changing his mind, but he assured me that we would still be friends and I was happy to at least have him as a friend than no one at all. Besides, we had Earth Science together, sit next to each other in Chapel, and go to church together on Wednesday nights, so to not be friends would have been really hard. Now during the few weeks after the breakup I had hope in me that maybe we could find our way back to each other. I held on to that for a while and did anything I could to help him when he needed me or just spend time with him.
It wasn’t until the middle of October when I finally made a step to moving on. It was fall break and I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Just face it. The person you care so deeply about does not feel the same way about you. It’s time to see that and move on.” So I started thinking of other guys to start crushing on and just for the fun of it, I got on a dating app.
I had already tried Tinder a year before, but the guys on there are really only looking for one thing. So I started looking for other apps and I saw my friend post on Facebook about OKCupid. Well why not? It’s not like I’m going to actually meet anyone on there in real life. So I make a profile and check out the guys that are available. I would talk to several guys, most of who would initiate conversation but we didn’t talk about much. I wouldn’t put much effort into because I didn’t plan on meeting them in person anyway. There was one guy that caught my eye, but we didn’t talk much and I had to initiate the conversation all the time. When I talked about him to a friend she said to me, “I think that if he really wanted to get to know you then he would find a way to talk to you and initiate conversation.”
I was on OkCupid for exactly one week before a guy on there struck up a conversation with me. I had seen his profile pop up in the “matches in your area” tab and saw we had either 94% or 98% compatibility. (I can’t remember exactly, but it was really high.) I looked through his photos and thought, “well he’s not bad looking. He’s handsome.” So I swiped like on him and left it at that. I wasn’t going to pay for this app so I couldn’t tell if he liked my page in return. It wasn’t too long afterward when he started messaging me and we talked for the rest of the day. Unlike the other guys on this app, this one continued the conversation into the next day. We talked about anything you could to someone you’ve met through the web.
The next day of talking to him he asked me out to dinner…
I wasn’t expecting that. I told him I prefer a meet and greet before a date and he was cool with that. We agreed to meet at this café in town. The meet and greet went great. For the next few weeks we went on several dates and now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. Looking back on where I was this time last year, I never would have expected it to end the way it did. There was no way I would have thought I’d meet someone from a dating app or even have a relationship with them. I’ve never done it before but I’m not ashamed of it. I was really careful when meeting my now boyfriend, but that is for another post.